dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
