No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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