fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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