so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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