ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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