Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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