FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
