The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Mom said you looked used
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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