i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
