No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
