You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fill condoms, not promises.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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