So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
