I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
