I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
