I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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