Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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