worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
