Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
