I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
