we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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