note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
