ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
