I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
