my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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