After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
