There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
