I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
