I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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