Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So many bounce houses so little time
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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