So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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