I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
