need another drink. this is the easiest way
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
