My sheets look like a crime scene.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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