I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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