I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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