Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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