I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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