if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
