Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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