I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
