I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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