Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dicks are not precious.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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