The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
