Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
