I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
