and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
