There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
