batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
