I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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