That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
