so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
