I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
