My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
