I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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