Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
