It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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