At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
