all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
