Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
