how can u be prego again
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
