Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
