someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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