if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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