just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish i was in the wii world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
