Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
