im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
