So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize