...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
