Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
