The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
