I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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