I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
