maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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