Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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