He uses pillows to masturbate.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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