you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
