Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
